A Flash Of Brown
by S9Starbuck
Summary: Shepard reflects on his feelings about the two women he loves the most. Post ME2. M!Shep/Miranda & M!Shep/Ashley. "A brilliant kind of love he thought lost; a once in a lifetime kind of love. Good thing he has two lifetimes." Have you ever felt torn?


**This is my first ME fanfic. The idea for this just hit me and I had to quickly jot it down on my iPod and then decided I'd upload it here. Basically it came from the fact that I love both Ashley and Miranda as characters and think that Bioware did a great job on them (especially Miranda, just sayin') and my male Shepard romanced both of them. Anyways, like I said, this is basically a raw, hardly edited upload that I just thought I'd add to the pile. **

**I'm experimenting with a new kind of style here. I've never written a fic like this before, and it was quite fun to try something different. **

**This fic is M!Shep/Ashley and M!Shep/Miranda. And Shepard is torn between the two women he loves the most. **

**FYI: "*she*" = Ashley and "she" = Miranda.  
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**Also this fic's rating probably borders a hard T. Just a warning.**

**Read on.  
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><p>A flash of brown, a soft sigh, a sharp cry. Heat, yes there's always heat. It's much the same, and the feeling of completetion once again floods his heart. Brilliance, that's what they both are. Strong, courageous, stubborn. They are so much the same, yet so different. He loves them, both. His heart beats faster every time he let's himself think of them. IIlos. The Omega Relay.<p>

So alike.

So different.

One claims Alliance blood, the other tries to forget whose blood she carries on.

A loving family; a manipulative, egotistic father.

Pain. He can still remember thinking of *her* as he suffocated, his lungs burning in his chest. Hands constricting, arms flailing. Weightlessness. Darkness.

If *her* God is real, Cerberus kept him from meeting Him.

He wants to meet *her* god.

Her science kept him from meeting *her* god.

Battling, and not even knowing it.

Heat. Raw, consuming heat.

Passion. The pain is destroyed with it. Mindoir. Akuze. Virmire. Normandy SR1. Horizon.

He wants to destroy the pain. And so he turns to Tennyson. *She* taught him that. Words he dare not utter; brought to life by a long dead poet. Perhaps this is true art.

Tennyson's words are in his head as he claims her and her science. He loves her. Her shield of ice. Her quiet vulnerability. Her flawed loyalty. More reason to adore her. She helps him forget, he helps her remember.

She reminds him that he's still capable of love, physical and psychological scars and all.

He needs therapy.

She is his therapy.

"Love?" She asks, like she dare not trust. He has to show her. She has to know.

Yes, love. A brilliant kind of love he thought lost; a once in a lifetime kind of love.

Good thing he has two lifetimes.

He is blessed by *her* God.

"I prayed for you every night."

*Her* God must be listening.

He wants to meet *her* God.

He doesn't care if she says she was biologically engineered. He thinks *her* God made her too, guiding her father's misguided intentions.

Only *her* God could be so kind, he decides, to put two people such as them in this galaxy.

Oh how he misses *her*. *Her* sharp accusations and stabbing rejection hurts him somewhere deep inside.

Her trusting gaze and promising smile bring him hope. Hope that maybe he isn't a lost cause.

A flash of brown, a heated sigh, a whispered declaration of affection.

She's his.

*She* _was_his.

He knows a choice is coming. And he knows it'll rip him in half.

But he knows they both can restore him.

A climax, an arching back, hands twisting into the sheets.

"I love you," he whispers.

She doesn't have to respond. The way she lays her head on his chest tells him more than she can say.

*She* lay the exact same way, once.

_So this is how it feels to be utterly torn_. He thinks as he rubs her back gently, laughing at the amusing words she speaks.

So alike.

So different.

So beautiful.

And he is so torn.

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><p><strong>So what did you think? Please, if you read this review. I love getting feedback on my stories, and I don't want your non-reviewing to haunt you for the rest of his life :P <strong>

**Who do you love more, Ashley or Miranda?**


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